Tonight was one of those nights. I had prepared dinner as much as possible before Jeff arrived home. The salad was ready, the table was set, everything was waiting on his arrival. I simply needed him to walk through the door and the burgers could be thrown on the grill in the backyard and then we could eat as a big happy family.
Jeff came home a bit later than planned and told me that he left before he should have because he had a conference call he still needed to take. But he thought he would take it from home so that dinner could be started sooner. The plan seemed fool proof. He would grill while taking the call. I would feed the baby and do the last minute dinner prep. Ingenious.
Just as we finished finalizing the plan, the call came. The phone rang. Jeff got a "one tract mind" look in his eyes, bolted up the steps with his blackberry phone in his hands and answered the call. I assumed he'd get the call rolling and be right back down to do his grilling duty. So, I went out back and turned on the grill on high to let it preheat for the burgers.
I, then, went back inside to start my end of the deal--feeding Kate. I opened the babyfood, which happened to be greenbeans. I put Kate in her high chair. I started feeding her, pouring drinks, getting the burgers out and grill tools. I continued with my task. After about 10 minutes, it occurred to me that Jeff was still upstairs and that maybe he had forgotten about the grill. "I'll just throw the burgers on for him," I thought to myself. I walked outback with raw burgers on a plate in one hand and a large metal spatula in the other. I was greeted by the site of a tall billow of grey smoke ascending from our grill and clouding the sky above our house and the neighbor's back yard. I raced over to the grill and without thinking through fire safety rules, whipped open the lid of the gas grill with my right hand. A burst of flames jumped out before I had time to let go of the handle on the grill top. I was shocked at what happened and jumped backward. I then looked at my right arm. Every hair had been singed. There were tiny black hairs on my otherwise unburnt arm. Close call.
I recollected myself and turned the grill back, put 5 burgers on the rack and then heard hilarious laughing coming from the kitchen. "Oh good," I thought, "Jeff's phone call is over, he is tickling the kids and will be ready to take over grilling." And then Joost sprinted out the back door. "Gracie is feeding the baby!"
Oh crap. I was pretty sure Gracie did not have that skill set yet. I ran back inside.
What I saw next was not Grace feeding Kate, but 7 month old, I have no pincer grasp Kate feeding Kate. "Look, mom!" said Grace. "Isn't Kate doing a great job?"
She was not. There were green beans everywhere. They were all over her face, hands, bib, clothing, highchair, highchair liner, the floor, the walls--anything within the five foot radius of the high chair was splattered with green beans.
I grabbed the spoon and dish from her. It was a mess, a rather comical one, but a mess and there was no time for laughter. There was cleanup to be done. I could think of nothing else. First I tackled the floor so that I could come close to the baby. I thought maybe I could wipe her down and resume the feeding, but it was not possible. Green beans had found their way inside her clothing. I pulled her from the green bean covered chair and took her straight into the bathtub. I bathed her and put her in clean pajamas. I cleaned up the chair and put a new liner on. I pulled out new food. I gathered the pile of greenbean defiled laundry and put them in the washing machine.
And then it dawned on me....the burgers! I ran back out side. Well, first, I put the baby food in a position where no child of mine could reach it. Then I ran back outside to rescue the slightly blackened burgers.
I finished the grilling, loaded on cheese to hide the burns on the burgers, finished pouring drinks for everyone, and called the kids to the table to start dinner time. (I assumed at this point that Jeff's phone call was going to be a long one, so I gave up hope of having dinner with him.) Just as everyone was settling around the table, Jeff came down the steps.
"Do you want me to get the burgers on the grill?" he asked.
1 comment:
hysterical. ;-)
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